I grew up in a toxic environment. There were good moments for sure. But primarily my childhood was plagued by emotional and physical abuse and the common denominator was my mom’s toxic marriage with her former partner. This set me up for many relationship blocks as an adult.
It was toxic, controlling, abusive. It was filled with insecurity, manipulation, and power plays.
My mom stayed in an abusive, codependent, controlling marriage. My dad wasn't around for a majority of my childhood because of financial struggles and addiction.
This affected me a lot as a child and it took me time to realize this did affect my romantic relationships as an adult. Not only did I experience abuse as a child (I personally believe romantic relationships we have SO deeply affect our children) But I took on a whole lot of issues and limiting beliefs that massively affected my love life for years to come until i did something about it.
I deeply craved love yet was also at the same time was kind of terrified of it. I chased emotionally unavailable men that abandoned me and were flakey and inconsistent and made me feel like i wasn't good enough. I was also afraid of commitment because i thought commitment meant someone wanted to control me and hurt me. (like i saw with my mom as a child) My self esteem was LOW. From a young age I was needy and anxious in relationships because i didn't feel safe.
I internalized not getting the love I wanted to mean something negative about me even more. I always felt like it was my fault, there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough. After being abandoned and having my heart smashed to pieces about a million times I SHUT DOWN.
I became unavailable and avoidant in relationships. Which didn’t actually let in love in as you can imagine lol. I was NUMB and detached. Then when I finally started opening up again because I met a man who seemed to be EVERYTHING I was looking for online.
The relationship was amazing in a lot of ways but also codependent in the sense I really relied on him for my happiness and I allowed him to tell me what was best for me.
I was terrified of him not being attracted to me in person and I developed a negative obsession with my body that spiraled into anorexia. My relationship with food and exercise and my body became negatively obsessive and filled with anxiety, guilt, and pressure. I didn't feel like my stomach was flat enough, I didn't feel like my boobs were big and womanly enough.
I was terrified of being hurt again... and then i got hurt.. AGAIN
He pulled away and abandoned me when I felt like I need him the most. It wasn’t an over night process but the ending of this relationship was a catalyst for me.
I woke UP. I took my power back and decided to heal myself, my insecurities, and my unhealthy relationship habits once and for all.
I healed my abandonment fears, my betrayal fears, my codependency issues, and became a healthy emotionally available women who allowed love into her life.
I over came being SO needy and also stopped pretending like I didn’t need anything from anyone ever. I finally healed my issues with my body and my relationship with food and exercise that had been damaged as a result of my body image issues.
I then felt hot, sexy, beautiful..just for being me..
Food just became food again, and exercise felt light and now i easily maintain my goal weight. EASILY, NATURALLY, without obsessing.
I worked on my over all sense of worthiness and my boundary issues that stemmed from wanting other people's approval.
And after working on my inner blocks and self sabotaging patterns and learning how to properly apply the law of attraction to my love life..In came Justin…
One of my soulmates.(We have more than 1) He’s emotionally available, he loves and adores me, and is everything I want in a man. We had a beautiful, fulfilling and healthy relationship for 8 years.
Then I my desires evolved and expanded and i deepened my self work around feminine energy and became my authentic feminine self in relationships.
From there it became clear my relationships wasn't meant to continue any longer and wasn't meant to. It wasn't a painful, wound, based, lesson filled ending. It was a divinely timed ending where i was whole within myself to be able to walk away from something beautiful and healthy but not fully the right fit for me any longer.
Then i attracted in my current relationship. One with an amazing man who is emotionally secure, has a high level of integrity in himself and our relationship, is highly communicative, assertive, safe, consistent, committed, and a protective masculine man that is the perfect match to my tender, vulnerable, whole feminine self. (*Also our sex is phenomenal* lol)
I know how to attract great love and do the aligned thing for me in love and i teach my clients how to do the same thing for themselves and attract what they deserve.
I know who I am, I know what I get to have, I know my worth, I don't give my power away and seek validation anymore. I never worry about being abandoned, unwanted, or cheated on.
I FEEL SAFE because i truly know things are working out for me because i know how to attract what i want. That is bigger than my relationship but I really believe shifting into those knowings helped me manifest what I have today.
I want that for all of us and i believe we can all have it.
To me? Helping you manifest the love that you want heals the collective and creates healthy relationships for future children to witness and emulate and that means everything to me! <3